I dream about movies

Dear Meghan,

So you're ace. No, nothing wrong with that. It's just that..., did you really have to have the 'Defining the relationship'-talk with Hava while you were still being hunted by the bad guys? Time and a place, people.

Love, your author

Dear Hava and Priesty,

Why the hell are you suddenly talking about quitting your jobs? This is not what I had planned at all! You're not supposed to quit until the end of the story.

Yours in exasperation, the author

P.S. Yes, Priesty, I will come up with a proper name for you. Eventually.

Dear Elsie,

I know you are angry at Kate. She was acting spineless and like a wimp. Still, you need to help her, or else the plot'll just fall apart. And we wouldn't want that, would we?

The author.
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Dear Muse,

No, I am not doing two NaNo’s at once. Where did you get the idea from? Why last year’s (failed) NaNo? And why are you suggesting it three days before the start?

The author, slightly disgruntled.

*

Dear author,

It’ll be fun! The guys miss you. And since you’re stuck on the outline for this year’s attempt, I thought you might like the diversion.

Sweet smiles,

Your Muse.

*

Dear Muse,

The only time Max would miss someone is when he’s drunk and his aim’s off. Besides, you’re the Muse. Help me with the damned plot! Or I’ll have to go find another Muse…

Warningly,

the author.

*

Dear author,

Another Muse? My, aren’t we getting important these days? The rest are all booked for the coming month, as you well know. You’re stuck with me.

Amused,

Your Muse.

Dearest antagonist,

Please tell me something about yourself. More than 'I want that girl'. Give me something to work with here.

The author.

*

Dear Michael,

Grow a spine.

The author.

*

Dear me,

Why do I keep writing about people with no spine?

Yourself.

*

Dear author,

Do you get a warm glow of sadistic glee when planning how to torture me?

Concerta.

*

Dear Concerta,

However did you guess?

*angelic smile* The author.

Fëanor,

Why, now that I have given up your story in favour of something that is productive for NaNo, are you suddenly trying to feed me plot-tidbits for your AU? Bit late, aren't we?

The authrix, who's not scared of elves wielding big swords

Honourable Fëanor, sir,

Would you be so kind as to grace me with an explanation on why the Valar let you out of the Blessed Land? I hope this request doesn't inconvenience you.

Much thanks in advance,

Your humble servant

Dear Emmar,

You were only supposed to be a bit-character. How did you manage to jump to being Olgyu's love-interest? Stop hogging the spotlight, I do not want 5 MC's. I am having enough trouble with 4

And dear, one night sex together does not mean eternal love. Please, do not delude yourself in this way.

In sincere bewilderment and sympathy,

your authrix

*

Dear Olgyu,

Stop sleeping around. See what you are doing to others.

No love,

your authrix

*

To all the main characters,

Please, get a move on. I would like to see you out of that monastery before I reach 50K.

Weeping,

the authrix

Dear Rachik,

Dear, you were scrapped from this story several plot-changes ago. So stop threatening to show up in a later chapter to try and break up the budding friendship/romance between Ameena and Bjernu.

I will kill you if you do.

No love until you learn your place,

Yattara

Dear fantwunts,

Nudists. At Hogwarts. A big old honking castle, full of updrafts. In Scotland. Are you out of your freaking little minds? Do you hate your characters so much that you want them to die of pneumonia? Also: Hogwarts? British boarding school, meaning it has a strict dresscode. No, getting yourself adopted by one of the teachers does not mean you get to circumvent this code. Stop trying to get that professor nekkid too.

I've nothing against nudists, but there's a time and a place for everything, and Hogwarts is neither. And can the hypocrisy. Don't have Hermione tut disapprovingly at the ten-year-old who's dressing like a cheap hooker, but praise the same tendency in the twelve-year-old. Given that she's adopted both of them, go stick your head in a pig.

Furthermore fantwunt 2, cut it out with the gift-talk. Girls these days are not just valuable because they're virgins. And for the love of Merlin, Nimue and all Four Founders, stop having the teenaged kids express such an interest in their parents' lovelife! It's quite sickening. So's the sex, by the way.

No love, since you don't know what it is

bookish_dragon

Crossposted to fanficrants