Nienna Telcontar, Warrior!Sue with the Ring of Barahir

What my fiancé said about this fic, when I showed it to him: "It's said that an infinite number of monkeys using an infinite number of typrewriters could produce the collected works of Shakespeare, given enough time. Frankly, one monkey with one typewriter is not going to cut it,... and it would write better than that." She's horrible, just horrible.

What really bugs me? She's obviously read the books. And she still writes this Valar-forsaken piece of claptrap.

Title: The story of a princess shield
Fandom: The box says Lord of the Rings. I call it false advertising.
CulpritAuthor: IceBend28
Full Name (plus titles if any): Nienna Telcontar.
Full Species(es): Human. Warrior!Timetravelling!Sue. I'm fearing 311 Walkers-fic.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Not mentioned, I'm assuming black.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Not mentioned, I'm assuming grey.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Not mentioned.
Special Possessions (if any): Ring of Barahir, Andúril, 300 Gondorian soldiers.

Annoying Origin: Claims kinship to Aragorn and Arwen.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: The aforementioned King and Queen of Gondor, who should have drowned her at birth.
Annoying Special Abilities: Elvish senses.
Other Annoying Traits: Mucks with canon, temporal and geographical distortions. Able to best her father in a duel. Random capitalisation. Random POV-changes. Bad emoetry.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: ( The hurting. The canon-twisting )

Crossposted to deleterius under my old LJ-name.